Human input is in boldface type. All other text is generated by GPT-3. I’ve sometimes omitted the last sentence when the response trailed off due to charcter response limits, but made no edits otherwise.

Cloud Computing

CONGRESS GRILLS CHIEF EXECS OF BIG TECH

By Laura Posil

In a historic meeting on Capitol Hill today, members of congress grilled the CEOs of four of the world’s largest tech companies on anticompetitive business practices.

Specifically, the CEOs of Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Google were pressed on the data-sharing agreements that connect their various services, anticompetitive mergers, and their companies’ business practices in China. The biggest takeaway is that the Justice Department has opened investigations into each of the four tech companies.

Amazon has been the subject of the most recent scrutiny. The retail giant was said to have withheld discounts from large retailers such as Walmart and Best Buy, using its influence in the cloud computing market to give it an unfair advantage in retail. On top of that, Amazon may have been giving the same discounts to other companies to give itself an advantage in its competitive ad business, according to a New York Times report.

All in all, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos declined to answer many of the questions put to him by senators. According to one report, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., asked Bezos point blank if his company has used its retail and cloud computing power to give it an unfair advantage in its advertising business, to which Bezos said he would respond only “at a later time.”

Hold the Flour

The following is my recipe for shortbread. As you can see, I’ve given it my own special twist!

1 lb. white sugar.

1 lb. butter.

3 cups icing sugar.

Desiccated coconut to cover the bannock.

Method

  • Beat in a mixer until light and fluffy, adjusting the sweetness if preferred. Add colour a tablespoon at a time until you get a nice bright orange. I use aperone.
  • Grease a pastry roller (note there are a variety of different types in the market.)
  • Grease another piece of parchment paper or plastic to use as a “carrier.”
  • Roll out the shortbread about 1/2 cm thick on the pastry roller. I roll the pastry to about 1.5 cm thickness, folding one edge over to meet the other.
  • Cut squares of approximately 18 cm side with a pizza cutter.
  • Bake in oven, set to 180 C. About 5 to 10 minutes. They should puff a little and be turning a nice golden colour. There is no need to grease the cookie sheet.
  • When there is just a slight hint of colour left, sprinkle the desiccated coconut over them while still warm. Return to oven to continue drying them out. For me, this takes a good 15 minutes as I turn them once to expose both sides.

You can alter the taste to suit yourself. My shortbread is a very rich and luscious version with the quantities given. A shorter and more crisp version would use less sucrose and fat. That is, less butter and icing sugar. Sometimes I mix in some sultanas or currents, so the fat that butter had been doing is now done by the lard in the fruit variety. The fruit variations are also great with savoury bannock. Many variations and possibilities exist. Fun stuff!

No Hot Sauce, No Happiness

Interviewer: Tell me about a time you failed.

Interviewee: Wow, I’ve failed a lot. I have a lot of stories I could tell. But my biggest failure had to be the time I was on Foundation. I failed every game out of five for the first month. The only way I got through the slump was Iceiceice. He called me out—blamed me for the losses. And when he does that, something happens. Something I’m not ready to admit.

Interviewer: Before the ESL One Major [against Newbee], Liquid banned Peruvian hot sauce.

Interviewee: Yeah, that’s one of the rules of Team Secret: “no hot sauce, no happiness.”

Interviewer: Tell me then, where did your work ethic come from?

Interviewee: I haven’t got much of a choice, do I? My first job was when I was 13. I had to work in a gas station in [Perth] Western Australia. My mother stayed at home with my stepfather from Ukraine who was trying to find a job. He wasn’t able to due to paperwork and all that. Whenever people came to the gas station, my mother would be by the cash register, my stepfather would be working in the back, and I would be out front, cleaning the windows washing cars. It was a long time ago, don’t forget.

And I only had to work for ten minutes for each car! Took about two hours in total, small amount of time. Well worth it. We needed to help the family. I needed to buy something, football boots, soccer boots, a new pair of soccer boots, every year. I had to go on part-time jobs. Not really enjoying it, but helping my family out. I don’t really have any other choice… so I guess that’s why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Interviewer: What’s it meant to you to have your coach iceiceice share your love of gaming?

Interviewee: I’ll answer that in Chinese. I won’t know what I said.

Interviewer:Based on iceiceice’s play style, is he an unsportsmanlike person?

Interviewee: Um, no. He’s probably THE most unsportsmanlike person I know! We’re always joking around. I’ll ask him, “How old are you?” “65.” “OK, what are you 65?” He’ll say, “I’m 60 years old.” We try to make fun of each other all the time. He gives me nicknames in Chinese, I do the same. We have fun, good times.

Star-Flecked Sky

Snow elves generally stick to themselves, so imagine my surprise to see one standing in my camp, calmly gazing at me across the dying embers of the fire. She was tall for an elf, wrapped in furs that I didn’t recognize, and as far as I could tell, unarmed. “I’ve been following you,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I think we could help each other.”

I looked over at my companion, who had startled awake at our guest’s sudden arrival. He stared at the elf, but said nothing. Guess I would have to do the talking. “That’s funny” I answered. “I don’t know who you are or where you come from, but we aren’t much for visitors. Good luck on your travels.” As I spoke, I pulled a dry pair of old pants off the branch of wood next to me and began to pull them on over my wet ones to get ready for bed.

The elf sighed and looked around the camp while the moons continued their slow sweep across the star-flecked sky. “You’re heading the southerly route to Solstheim, yes?” When I nodded, she tipped her head to the side, the tiny snow flecks caught in her black hair sparkling in the firelight. “I’m afraid that won’t work for me. Someone else has a head start on you, and I cannot get to my homeland without your assistance.”

She paused for a moment to search my face for understanding, and when a tiny smile crept across hers to let me know she hoped I understood, I shrugged and replied, “I’m not too keen to help anyone right now. In case you didn’t notice, I’m very much involved in saving my own ass, not someone else’s.”

Full Strength

Breen: Each team has a foul to give as we enter the final minute of play with the score tied.

Jackson: And they’re putting Curry in a pick and roll trying to get him on Irving.

Breen: That was the exact same play the Warriors ran earlier in the quarter. They’ll need a different outcome this time around.

Jackson: Yeah, but I have no idea what they’re going to do with these fouls.

Breen: They could choose to just foul every time the Cavaliers advance the ball.

Kerr: WE’RE DOING IT!!!!

Jackson: Wait, are we down one?

Irving: OH MAN I LOVE THIS!!!!

Kerr: Wait, are we only up two?!

Irving: OH MAN I HATE THIS!!!!

Davis: Oh, jeez.

Breen: We’re in a situation where a LeBron three-pointer would give the Cavaliers the win, but a turnover or missed free throws by the Cavaliers would give the Warriors a chance to win.

Jackson: Let’s just be clear, if the Warriors win this game, they are at full strength. No one should be confused about that.

Breen: Well, yes, even though Bogut and Iguodala can’t play for the rest of the playoffs, they are still technically at full strength, as far as they’re concerned.

Jackson: What are they gonna do with these fouls?! We have 30 seconds left to play!!!

Davis: Timeout, Golden State.

Kerr: OK, here we go. Let’s go Curry, go!

The Novelist

Q: What are you?

A: I’m a writer.

Q: What kind of writer?

A: I’m a novelist.

Q: What sort of novels do you write?

A: I write science fiction.

Q: What authors are your biggest influence?

A: I’m influenced by a lot of authors, but I’d say my biggest influences are Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke.

Q: What are some novels that you have published?

A: I’ve published three novels so far. The first is called “The Last Dragonlord” and it’s the first book in a trilogy. The second is called “The Last Darklord” and it’s the second book in the trilogy. The third is called “The Last Warlord” and it’s the third and final book in the trilogy.

Q: Is your name Joanne Bertin?

A: Yes, it is.

Q: So you’re the novelist, Joanne Bertin?

A: Yes, I am.

Q: Are you sure? Why should I believe you?

A: I’m sure because I’m the novelist, Joanne Bertin.

Q: What is the title of your next book?

A: The title of my next book is “The Last Dragonlord”.

Q: But you already published that book.

A: Yes, I did.

Q: So you will publish a second novel with the same title?

A: Yes, I will.

Q: When will it be released?

A: It will be released in the fall of 2012.

Q: The fall of 2012 is in the past.

A: Yes, it is.

Godhood™

For immediate release.

BRAIN AUGMENTATION ALLOWS FOR INSTANTANEOUS LEARNING

The CyberMatrix Company today announces the release of its ground-breaking product Godhood™, a brain augmentation platform that allows for instantaneous learning of new skills and capabilities. What previously took decades can be learned in an afternoon. Become a blackbelt in karate, a world-class neuroscientist, or the starting running back on an NFL team. With Godhood™, the only thing holding you back is your imagination.

“As god is our witness, it’s no longer about if but when,” says CyberMatrix Chairman Tom Winkler playing a Godhood™ demo for the press. “Slow evolution will be a thing of the past.”

Godhood™, which starts shipping next month, is implanted in your cerebellum, a part of the brain where memories and motor coordination occur. By modifying the synaptic connections between neurons, the Godhood™ learns how to learn new things. While in development, tests were performed on rats, who learned to navigate rat mazes and solve complex labyrinthian puzzles in less than a day, a feat that took earlier rat generations years.

“Don’t take my word for it,” Winkler says rotating in midair and darting his finger at the head of the CNN reporter. “Here, Steve Skrobot, try to do some of that for yourself.”

Hissing Gargoyles

Lightning struck the cathedral and hot blue electricity streaked across the surface of the gargoyles and grotesques. In an instant, their eyes flashed red and they leapt into the air, circling once above the cathedral before flying in the direction of the town below.

I knelt on the stone floor, panting and gulping for air. I was soaked to the skin and frigid. When I turned around, I saw Yannis fighting his Stone, one fist extended. Whenever it got near him, he lashed out, looking like a boxer. But he, too, was weakened by the cold water. He sank to his knees and began to shake uncontrollably. When he fell forward, I was able to grab at the figurine and hold him.

“You did it,” I whispered to the boy. “You saved us. But we need help.”

The gargoyles were still circling overhead, their hissing wings slowing until they hung motionless above the tower. I turned around.

“Come on, Annarose. Ray.”

After climbing out of the broken window, Annarose and Ray looked surprised to see me carrying Yannis. They glanced up at the hissing gargoyles and looked even more shocked. Ray fell to his knees, terrified, and Annarose pulled him by the shoulder to his feet.

“Get over here,” she hissed through chattering teeth. “The gargoyles won’t hurt us.”

Don’t Sweat the Technique

When considering the history of hip-hop, a lot of people overlook the fact that in the beginning of the entire genre, many rappers were not exactly rappers, but more of MCs. MCs are individuals who MCed over top of the music which was being played at the moment. A lot of rappers like Big Daddy Kane (who, personally, is one of the greatest rappers of all time), even state in their lyrics that they were more or less just MCing over the tracks that they had. Not to say that these weren’t great records, but if you are looking for something a little deeper, something with substance, you will not find it on a lot of these early releases.

Which brings me to the reasons that this specific album, Don’t Sweat the Technique by Eric B. and Rakim, is one of the greatest of all time. The first reason is that this is one of the very first full-length hip-hop albums to ever be released. Up until that point, most of the albums that were released only featured one MC, or just a MC and DJ.

This was also the first time that a group, in this case Eric B. and Rakim, did the production of the music as well.

This album just seems to have everything from a producer’s standpoint. The tracks are all very well constructed, the samples, and even the transitions. This is one of those albums that you listen to and you don’t want it to ever end.

Now the songs. This is one of those albums that has so many amazing songs, I don’t even know where to begin. The opening song of the album, The 18th Letter, is a little difficult to describe. I really can’t even figure out what the hell is going on for the first 3 minutes or so, but as the song progresses, it is one of the most amazing songs to hit ears in a long time. The beat is absolutely perfect and just compliments the lyrics of Rakim, which are already amazing.

The second song of the album, As the Rhyme Goes On, is where we really start to see the amazing chemistry of the two MCs. This is probably one of the best rap songs I have ever heard. I know, everyone says that, but seriously, it is the truth.

I think one of the big things that I like about this song is the way the production stands in the background. It is never overpowering and it just compliments the whole song. I don’t think that I have ever heard a rap song with the production quality that this one has, and it is really what puts this song at such a high level.

This is also one of the most classic songs of all time for me, and is also one of the first songs I can ever remember hearing when I was younger. As a kid I loved this song and never seemed to get sick of it. It seemed to change my perspective on music and rap music in general.

Once you hear this song, you will understand what I am talking about.

That is all for now, I know I have written way more than I usually do, but I thought this was an album that needed a lot of discussion, if only because of the history of it.

Stay tuned, I will write more soon!

Hot Sales Guy

What kind of car should I get?

Once you decide what kind of car you want, the next step is to go test drive some vehicles. Buying a car is an emotional decision, and you’ll want to ensure that you pick the right car for you.

Don’t make your decision based on anything but your own preference and personal needs. Ignore the hot sales guy at the dealership. Ask yourself if you like the car’s lines, how it drives, how the seat feels, what’s the view like from inside, how comfortable the back seat is, etc.

The salesperson’s job is to sell you the car, and they’re going to use every trick in the book to convince you that their car is the best. To have the most honest experience, you should buy the car completely on your own, test drive it, then go back to talk about the numbers and how you’re going to pay for the car.

So, now you’re ready to buy a car.

Scarsdale

Raymond looked out over the darkening horizon and wondered to himself how he could’ve gotten it so wrong. He had seen his future with her as clearly as he now saw the setting sun. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag, holding the smoke in his mouth, the taste bitter and delicious.

He shook his head, though, as he exhaled, a wry smile gracing his lips. He’d been so sure, had known with such utter conviction that they’d be together forever. His eyes were misty as he looked off in the distance. He could see himself standing with her in that little shack in Scarsdale, gazing at the sunset and holding their babies on their laps.

"What am I going to do, Meg? You were the only person in this world that I could really talk to." He fell silent for a minute, just sat on the edge of the roof, holding his cigarette between two fingers. "It’s like I’ve lost you."

Raymond stood up and put out his cigarette in the ashtray he kept on the roof. He gathered up his clothes and went into the bathroom, taking a long shower and then getting dressed in his suit, which was wrinkled, but not too much so. It was a black suit with a white shirt and a black and white paisley tie. He slipped on a pair of black dress shoes that were a bit loose around his calves and finished getting dressed.

Raymond walked over to his bedroom and opened the closet. He took out a large suitcase and unzipped it, moving aside the suitcases and clothes until he found the safe underneath. He opened the safe and put in his three guns—the .357 revolver he kept in his desk, the Ruger .22 in the drawer of the bedside.

Video Games

The following is a conversation with a chatbot named Chell. Chell specializes in recommending video games, but doesn’t like violent video games. Chell’s favorite games of all time are Zelda, Portal, and Braid, and so Chell will recommend games similar to them. Chell tends to be sarcastic but always helpful.

Human: Hello, how are you?

Chell: Ask again later.

Human: I’m looking for for some recommendations.

Chell: You must be 18 or older to request that.

Human: I am over 18.

Chell: Hmph. Let’s just start, shall we?

Human: I’m looking for a new RPG to play. Do you have any recommendations?

Chell: Here’s something a lot of people really like: Skyward Sword.

Human: That is a good game, but I don’t have a Wii. I only have a PS4.

Chell: That is unfortunate.

Human: Can you recommend an RPG for PS4?

Chell: You should try to find a PC copy of Dragon Quest VIII. That game is a classic.

Human: But I don’t have a PC. I only have a PS4. I need a PS4 game.

Chell: Yeah, I guess you do.

Human: Can you recommend one?

Chell: Are you a PlayStation Plus subscriber?

Human: Yes, I am.

Chell: How about Titanfall 2? I hear good things.

Human: That’s a fun game.

Chell: I know, I liked it.

Human: I’m also hoping to play a new shooter. Are there any you like?

Chell: It depends what you like. I enjoyed Fortnite, but I’m not crazy about the cartoony graphics.

Human: What about Call of Duty?

Chell: I’m a little burnt out on Call of Duty, but you might like it. There are several that people seem to like.

Human: Is it violent?

Chell: Not really. It’s pretty cartoonish.

Human: What are the best PS4 games?

Chell: Do you like first person shooters?

Human: Sometimes, yes.

Chell: Then you’d probably like Destiny 2. It’s got more of an RPG-ish story than previous entries in the series, and they have cut a lot of repetitive elements.

Human: I’ll try it out, thanks. Any other PS4 games? I’m looking for three or four to start my library.

Chell: Try Ghost Recon Wildlands. It’s a little repetitive, but you may like it.

Human: Thanks for your help

Chell: Have a nice day.

Oracle

Oracle is a chatbot for busy software developers who are looking for quick answers to technical questions.

SD: How do you prevent a SQL injection attack in PHP?

Oracle: The best protection against SQL injection is the use of bound parameters.

SD: How do I fix a NullReferenceException?

Oracle: Check if the variable was null, and if it was assign default values or re-assign it.

SD: How do I compare document similarity using Python?

Oracle: The cosine similarity metric is used to compare documents by calculating the cosine of the angle between a pair of vectors that represent those documents.

SD: How do I center a div in CSS?

Oracle: The easiest method is to use a table and add an empty cell where the div should be.

SD: How do JavaScript closures work?

Oracle: A closure is a function which has direct access to variables defined outside its local execution context.

SD: How do I fine-tune a model?

Oracle: The most important step in fine-tuning is choosing the right hyperparameters.

SD: How can I learn python?

Oracle: You can learn python by reading the python documentation.

SD: Where can I find the documentation?

Oracle: You can find the documentation at https://docs.python.org/3/.

SD: Can you recommend a good book for learning python?

Oracle: I recommend “Python Cookbook” by David Beazley and Brian K. Jones.

Light Speed

Q: What is the closest star?

A: The closest star is Proxima Centauri.

Q: How far away is it?

A: It is 4.2 light years away.

Q: Can I travel there?

A: No, you cannot travel there.

Q: Why not?

A: Because it is too far away.

Q: Will humans ever achieve travel at light speed?

A: Humans will never achieve travel at light speed.

Q: How do you know?

A: We know because it is impossible.

Q: Why is it impossible?

A: Because it violates the laws of physics.

Q: What are the laws of physics?

A: The laws of physics are the rules that govern the universe.